A friend of mine told me today she lost her friend’s father to suicide. It was completely unexpected. Why, she asks? How did we not know? How does this happen?
Suicide is such a mystery. Sometimes there are signs, other times there aren’t. No matter how hard we try, we can not save another person. The bottom line is they must want and know how to save themselves.
The unfortunate thing is that most people don’t know how to ask for that help – don’t feel comfortable asking for it. Instead they act out, running from the pain, in the end making it only worse because usually that acting out has negative consequences.
Or they push it down and try to resist it. Unfortunately you can not escape emotions, if you don’t release them in healthy ways, it is most likely they will come out when you least expect it or want it.
Why don’t people feel comfortable getting help before they make the ultimate decision to leave
this world? Look at this picture. We have used it for years to talk about depression, the leading cause of suicide. Do you see any hope? Why would you want to admit to this? unfortunately, the number one reason people don’t get help is because of ‘stigma’, or negative branding, yet depression is treatable in up to 80% of cases.
You know how many people are actually getting help? Less than 25% worldwide. This is the damage we have done by associating such negativity with the brain / negative changes in brain chemistry. It is an absolute tragedy as the brain is the most complex organ in the human body. Do we really think we it is not affected by our biochemistry – like our heart, lungs, and livers are?
What does this have to do with Passionate grief? Well, you can not bring a person that suicides back. But what you can do is grieve the situation from your heart, passionately, exploring all of your emotions in a healthy way.
You can encourage others to do the same. Some ways you can do this:
- Give them journals to write down everything they are feeling. Encourage them to write daily about all the different things they are feeling.
- Bring them foods that are good for their brain – dishes high in Omega 3’s and Vitamin D. Make sure to get them fruits and vegetables, as they need their brain to be fed the most nutritious meals to help the biological balance stay healthy.
- Find an online support group for them – http://www.inspire.com/groups/ifred-anxiety-and-depression/.
A Community of Hope
- Express emotions through positive art, music, dance, and creativity. Try to have them take this profound grief and make something beautiful out of it; a memorial of the deceased, a garden for healing, a room for prayer.
- Encourage them to move. Exercise, walks, yoga. Staying stagnant does not move the energy through your body – movement does.
- Find them an animal companion (www.deltasociety.org). Animals have a tremendous capability for unconditional love, accepting all of your moods and emotions and pain.
- Post a memorial for them on our blog here or our facebook page.
- Have them talk to a counselor or doctor if you believe that their grief is starting to take negatively take over their life, or call a suicide hotline should they themselves become suicidal.
The day we all feel comfortable saying ‘I feel like killing myself. Help me’ is the day suicides will be greatly reduced, if not eradicated. People not saying it as a way to manipulate to get something they want, but instead out of a need to get help managing the tremendous pain being experienced in the body. The necessity of getting help finding hope.
Because you can be sure that the person that committed suicide was feeling an intense amount of pain when they left this world – a pain many of us will never experience. And it is also likely they left behind a family with a different kind of pain, equally great, and often times loads of unanswered questions.
The day everyone feels comfortable sharing their stories of how they found hope during a suicidal period is the day all people will understand that there is always hope, no matter how dire the situation may seem to that person.
Sending love and support to all. Feel free to share your personal stories here, and on our facebook page. xoxoxo
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