iFred» Blog

Mahatma Gandhi and the power of Trust…

marty — Sat, 05 May 2012 20:03:57 +0000

... the trust that Gandhi had in his "inner knowing" and the trust that he inspired in the Indian people. Occupied and oppressed by the British Empire for hundreds of years, the Indian people were undoubtedly depressed as well as oppressed. . What could possibly bring the hope, inspiration and empowerment that would lead to the non-violent revolt that resulted in India’s independence in 1947? In this photo-essay I will let the words and images of Gandhiji (beloved Gandhi) and others - collected at the memorial at the site of Gandhi's assassination - speak for themselves.

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A Restorative Justice Message for Good Friday and Easter – not just for Christians

marty — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 16:52:02 +0000

Not just for Christians. To begin with, I am a Jew. As a Jew, I do not believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God or The Savior, but instead as one of many great teachers and prophets of the world’s many great religions – Martin Price, Fulbright Professor, Senior Scholar, National Law Universities of India

I have sent this message to my students at the National Law University – Orissa as one way of addressing their amazement when they saw a video of a victim-offender mediation/dialogue in which a mother and a father forgave the young woman who drove while drunken and killed their daughter. Many of the students said (or thought) something like, “I could never do that. These people must be saints.” During the young woman’s prison time, she exchanged hundreds of letters with the family of the woman she killed. After the woman was released from prison, the family of the victim virtually adopted the young woman and her two small children. Many of the students again said (or thought) something like, “I could never do that. These people must be saints.” On Monday, Restorative Justice students will see a video of a victim-offender mediation/dialogue in which the mother and the daughter of a woman who was raped, tortured and murdered chose to have a face-to-face dialogue (inside a prison) with one of the men who did it. I predict that again many of my students are likely to say or think something like ”I could never do that. These people must be saints.”

Restorative Justice is not primarily about forgiveness and it does not require forgiveness. But its different way of understanding and responding to matters of crime and justice often creates a context in which forgiveness may occur – if and when people choose it. None of the people involved are saints. They are ordinary people who chose extraordinary ways to deal with one of the worst tragedies anyone could imagine – the killing of a loved one. In each case a Restorative Justice program helped them see and adopt alternatives to the life-devouring responses of hate and revenge.

I think that the message below can help people understand such extraordinary responses by ordinary people. I think that this message has the potential to be life-transforming for people of any faith and also for people who choose no faith. I think that this message, if understood and adopted, could help to save the human race from its current tragically destructive path.

This message comes to you by way of an unusual path. It travels from a Christian Minister to a Jewish Rabbi, to a Jewish-American lawyer/mediator/professor, to you. Rabbi Michael Lerner is one of my gurus and heroes. Some others are Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu.

Rabbi Michael Lerner’s note: It is our view that almost every surviving religious or spiritual tradition has a great deal to teach us all, and some things that we may not accept. Good Friday and Easter have meant a great deal of different things to different people (and for centuries was an occasion on which Christians would gather to attack Jews for allegedly killing the son of God. Yet today, a new group of Christians has arisen that are bringing out core wisdom that is based on an ethos of love and caring for every human being. One of those is a gifted teacher, Reverend Stephen Phelps, who is currently the pastor at the Riverside Church in New York. He has given us permission to share with you a teaching he delivered last year on Good Friday, which I am now sending to you, along with best wishes for a spiritually deep Good Friday and Easter to all our many Christian members and friends!

THE SENT-DOWN MAN

Text on Good Friday April 22, 2011

Luke 14: 7-11

“For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you . . . If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.”

Will Christianity pass away? Will some other religion or philosophy take its place? You hear such questions from time to time. The socalled “new atheists” like Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins aim to inspire readers with the hope that all religions might soon join the dinosaurs in extinction. At the other extreme, television preachers still fill your ears with their bombast, sure that the glory of their “true church” will never pass from the earth. I don’t know about that. A scripture says that “nothing will be impossible with God.” On the question whether God will keep God’s savings in the church forever, we might better err on the side of caution.

Yet it seems to me that on earth, the power of the Cross of Christ will never pass away. Here is why. Most symbols celebrate success. Think of the symbols for Coca Cola, Nike, Microsoft Windows. The evidence of the success of these enterprises fairly dances in our heads; at the sound of the name, the type face and the colors of the logos fly instantly to the mind’s eye. Think of the American flag. Talk about brand-name recognition! These symbols proclaim a message we are always hungry for, namely, that more is better. Every symbol that pleases us—even the dollar sign on our weekly paycheck, if we like our check; even our home address embossed on stationery, if we like our address—signifies that this thing has succeeded—has climbed over—something else, with power. It is more! It is bigger, it is sweeter, it is quieter, it is higher. Now, this condition isn’t bad. I am not preaching “Ain’t it awful?” I’m just saying, Ain’t it so? We’re creatures, and creatures are bound and determined—yes, bound and determined by forces we do not control, just as the sciences say—bound and determined to look for more. That’s life. It is not freedom, but it is life in the flesh.

But however high things climb, two more conditions always hold: 1) something will always surpass our more with its more; and 2) eventually, we will fall. You cannot forever improve your position with more power. You simply don’t have it, or won’t have it. Every greatest athlete will hang up his shoes. Coke will get cooked. Windows will close. Promotions will cease. Even the United States of America will someday tumble down, and all these symbols will succumb. Is this awful? People may make the passage through these rapids awful. —we often do, for others as well as for ourselves—but it does not follow that fading away just plain is awful. The condition of endless rise and fall is just plain so. It is not freedom, but it is life as we know it.

Yet what we really wanted—was heaven. Once, what could stop us? Not the skies, it seemed. We were Babel builders, heading higher, higher. Oh, the exquisite thrill when we are running our race with all our strength and all our gift! There’s been blessing in it, surely. But heaven we could not have by straining for it. Perfection eluded us, even deluded us. Is it real—heaven?

There was a passage to perfection, though. There was a way to go whose path is never barred, whose pitch is not too steep, whose goal is never put behind. It is the path of giving by going lower. On this path, there is no end but God, for no matter how low another creature is or has fallen, you, by the grace of God, can choose to go down a step lower, to be sent down to serve. It is not that you always must, but that you always can. This is freedom. It is not life as we knew it, but it is the stairway to heaven. It goes down.

In the 1930s, a Russian citizen named Iulia de Beausobre was subjected to torture in the gulag of the Soviet Union. In her autobiography, The Woman Who Could Not Die, she tells how she came to life in extremis. Alone in her cell between sessions with her tormentors, she engaged an inner conversation between herself and a partner of spirit which she called “my Leonardo.” One day, her inner Leonardo spoke to her of the possibility that she might transform her suffering:

If you want to understand, to know the truth about this sort of thing, you must rise higher and look deeper. If you do, you can transform the ghastly bond into that magic wand which changes horror into beauty . . . It is unpardonable that anyone should be tortured, even you—if ^you merely leave it at that. But, surely, when you over^come the pain inflicted on ^you by them, you make ^their criminal record less villainous. Even more, you bring something new into it—a thing of precious beauty. But when, through weakness, cowardice, lack of balance, lack of serenity, you augment your pain, their crime becomes so much the darker. And it is darkened by you. If you could understand this, your making yourself invulnerable would be not only an act of self-preservation; it would be a kindness to Them . . . Look right down into the depths of your heart and tell me—Is it not right for you to be kind to them—even to them—particularly to them, perhaps? Is it not right that those men who have no kindness within them should get a surplus of it flowing towards them from without? . . . And the whole of me responds with a “Yes!” like a throb of thundering music.1

Now, you think: “I could not do that.” But you have no idea what you can do. We have no idea what we can do because we have no idea who we are—so long as we seek just more through our strengths. On that path, we ^are bound and determined always and only to make much of our self, to make more of our self. Never can there come anything divinely new into our self-made man or woman. There is no real freedom on the path of more.

But if, like the sent-down man whose name you have freely taken, you go seeking the seat at the low place; if you follow the example that was set; if you cease scraping to save your life and let go, suddenly an infinite horizon for freedom and action opens. Your energy, intelligence, imagination, and love will never exhaust the possibilities for refreshment as you find the right way to kneel for the other in perfecting humility. Down that road, following the sent-down man, is found the only country in which you are no longer bound and determined, the only land of the free. There is no conflict you have in your family or with your neighbor at church or with your co-worker in which you cannot, with generous genius, find that low door through which you can step down to serve them as one looking up. There is not a grievance in your mind or in your body whose pain will not be transformed by your free decision to let go, to find the low place of the servant. The reason these things are so is simple. When you follow the sent-down man down, you cease making more of your self. In that act, you begin being made by God; being made human, a being made in the image of God, in the image of the sent-down man. Until heaven and earth should pass away, the sent-down man and his Cross will never pass away, for the way of the Cross is the only road that has no end but God. Go this way in peace.

Rev. Stephen H. Phelps

The Riverside Church, New York, New York

Trust, Depression and Crime – huh?

marty — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:25:56 +0000

Depressed?

In my “debut” post to this blog I left the reader with a number of “teaser” questions. Among them were, “What does depression have to do with crime? What does crime have to do with depression? And what does any of this have to do with Trust?”

Below you will find a summary of one of the lessons I taught in my current Restorative Justice class at one of the National Law Universities of India. The lesson attempted to stimulate thinking about the above questions. My class includes undergraduate and post-graduate law students. Most of them are surprisingly unsophisticated in their understanding of human emotions and human behavior – particularly the men (no surprise?) This lesson was quite a challenge for them – the men and the women. What do you think? Does it make sense to you?

Crime destroys trust, safety and security

Victims of crimes of all kinds, from the relatively minor to the most heinous, commonly feel their trust in their safety and security has been destroyed, sometimes their trust in humanity, sometimes their trust in their God, as well. Victims commonly have questions like:

Why did this happen to me or to my loved one? Did I do something to deserve this? Was I to blame? Was there anything I could have/should have done to prevent it? What kind of a monster would do such a thing? What kind of a God would allow such a thing to happen? When our mainstream criminal justice systems (which focus mainly on punishing offenders) do nothing to answer victims’ questions or restore their trust, victims often feel betrayed, re-victimized and denied meaningful justice – regardless of what punishment is imposed on the offender. Understandably, a large number of crime victims suffer from depression of some kind. Many victims with depression go undiagnosed and/or untreated for months or even years, until someone tells them that depression is a common – perhaps even normal – reaction to being victimized by a crime. Victims who are depressed and dissatisfied sometimes take justice into their own hands, creating one particular kind of crime cycle.

The vast majority of offenders have been victimized at some time in their lives – as children, as adults or both. Simply put, hurt people hurt other people. Because they are so often people with unhealed emotional trauma, a large percentage of offenders suffer from clinical depression – often undiagnosed. Often the hopelessness of depression leads them to act out with self-destructive behavior, of which criminal behavior is one form. Our criminal justice systems treat offenders in ways that are counter to the universal human need for dignity. Offenders commonly feel like they are victims of the criminal justice systems. In those cases their feelings of victimization commonly obscure their ability to recognize their responsibility for their offense. Offenders may expect that they will be treated with dignity, respect and fairness. If they are not, they may feel betrayed – their trust destroyed. If they were not depressed before they committed a crime (or if they were) depression is a likely outcome at this stage. Inside the walls of many correctional institutions (where depression among prisoners is the norm) their depression may be undiagnosed and/or untreated. The violent behavior that is endemic to prison life is predictable. Hurt people hurt other people. Another kind of crime cycle is played out.

Crime is a violation of communities – a breach of the community’s peace, resulting in members of the community losing their trust in their safety and security. Criminal justice systems and law enforcement agencies are unable to restore this trust. In times past, communities understood that crime problems originate in communities and that only communities can effectively prevent or resolve them. In more modern times, we have delegated the responsibility for dealing with criminal behavior to systems of laws, law enforcement and “justice” that cannot be truly effective, in part because they disempower communities. In few communities around the world do people trust and feel satisfied with the governmental systems that are supposed to deal effectively with their crime problem. In most places the problem is not with the criminal justice professionals, most of whom are hard-working and dedicated public servants who risk their lives for the safety of the public. The public has delegated an impossible task to its criminal justice professionals. Crime is a community problem requiring a community solution. With this understanding, criminal justice systems and professionals are still needed to work hand-in-hand with communities. Relatively few communities understand that they have abdicated an essential role of communities. Relatively few communities understand what is wrong and advocate for systemic change. Bereft of trust in their criminal justice systems and fearing for their safety, communities become – in a sense – depressed.

A brief primer on Restorative Justice

marty — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:37:03 +0000

Complete w/sunflowers! My National Law University Guest House home in India

In my previous posting, I ended with a few questions. One of them was, “What is Restorative Justice?”

Restorative Justice is a different paradigm (or frame of reference) for understanding and responding to crime and the need for justice. Restorative Justice sees crime as primarily an act causing harm to victims and the community (and also to the offender): only secondarily as a violation of the laws of the State. The emphasis is upon restoring the losses and healing the harm caused to the victims, the community and also to the offender. Meaningful accountability to victims, by offenders, can be part of the healing process for both. Among the essential theoretical foundations of Restorative Justice is Gandhi’s explanation of ahimsa, “That action alone is just which does not harm either party to a dispute.”

The Restorative Justice paradigm is implemented through a variety of programs and practices that include victim-offender mediation, reconciliation and dialogue, family-group conferences, community justice circles, sentencing circles, circles of support and accountability, restorative community service, peacemaking circles, peer mediation and anti-bullying programs in schools, truth and reconciliation commissions and others.

Depending on the policies of a particular jurisdiction or on a case-by-case basis, the current criminal justice system may or may not seek to impose punishment in addition to participation in a Restorative Justice process. In many kinds of cases, Restorative Justice provides a suitable, more effective, more humane and more creative alternative to punishment. Criminal justice literature is replete with national and international studies demonstrating that punishment is not the most effective tool for rehabilitation, deterrence of crime or reduction of recidivism (repeat crime.) Extensive national and cross-national research has demonstrated that the benefits of restorative justice programs and practices include greatly reduced rates of recidivism, greatly increased rates of victim satisfaction with the criminal justice system, as well as the great majority of offenders and victims reporting an experience of fairness and overall satisfaction with restorative justice processes and outcomes.

There are currently about 500 Restorative Justice programs in the United States. Globally, Restorative Justice is one of the fastest-growing developments in criminal law and justice reform, with about 6,000 programs in over 150 countries, spanning every continent. There are no Restorative Justice programs in India. My job is to teach, train and plant seeds.

Depression, Crime and Restorative Justice in India

marty — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:26:57 +0000

Greetings from Northern India, the city of Lucknow (how about that name!) As of Jan. 2, I am teaching in the National Law Universities of India (there are 14 of them) as a Fulbright Senior Scholar under the sponsorship of the US Department of State, Council for International Exchange of Scholars and iFred’s Project Trust.

I am teaching Restorative Justice and Integrative Law (like Integrative Medicine) both including a focus on the connections between depression and crime. And of course we will be looking at the potential for these “new paradigm” approaches to crime and justice to reduce both depression and crime. (Fyi, I am a social worker turned lawyer, turned mediator – a pioneer and internationally recognized expert in the fields of Restorative Justice and Conflict Resolution. I live in Charlotte, NC.)

What is Restorative Justice? What is Integrative Law? What does depression have to do with crime? What does crime have to do with depression? And what does any of this have to do with Trust? I hope I have tweaked your interest – please stay tuned…

Getting Rid of Sugar Once and for All… On Halloween?

ifredorg — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 11:55:25 +0000

Seriously, what am I thinking?! It sounded great. iFred sponsored a walk for the National Eating Disorders Association and I met this wonderful woman who is a personal chef. She makes amazing, delicious, healthy foods and brings it to their doorsteps – incredible!

I was getting ready for the walk doing a great yoga stretch while munching on an incredible Amelie’s chocolate croissant. I could not get enough of it. It was heaven, and as I was doing my downward dog with one arm I realized maybe it was time for a break.

So I got to talking with Carol, and telling her how frustrated I was with my sugar cravings that had, once again, gotten the better of me. The stress of work and life (a lot of it GREAT stress) had gotten me eaten without thought again and slowly the pounds have crept back on. But more importantly, I don’t FEEL good. And I like to feel good.

So here I sit, Halloween morning waiting for my first meal and lemons that I was supposed to have last night – but somehow did not find time to get to the store to get them. I think I was spending my energy worrying about how I was going to make it through the week, as opposed to doing something productive with my angst like getting a lemon and salad.

So last night I had some potato soup and tortilla chips and polished it off with desert of an advantage bar (yes, I have to give these up), already feeling a failure and without having begun. Thankfully, Carol sent me a wonderful, kind e-mail telling me FORGIVENESS and kindness to myself is most important. Telling myself I am bad or a failure only makes things worse. I so often tell others, but forget to tell myself. So thank you Carol.

So I’m getting ready for the day realizing that not only did I start on Halloween and isn’t that incredibly significant and important, but that I actually put myself in a position where I have to BUY and HAND OUT treats to kids that I can’t eat! The ultimate test, but one that if I succeed or fail will love myself and be proud of my effort the same.

To be continued!

The Ultimate Cure for Addiction; Being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

ifredorg — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 14:45:22 +0000

I have been addicted to just about everything, and have quit these addictions because of one primary reason; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Granted, I found tools that worked and helped me along the way, but the thing that stopped the addiction wasn’t AA, a patch, advice from friends and family, or a divorce. It was something inside me; a true exhaustion from the up and down of the addiction itself, a total darkness before a new light.

There are really no miracle cures for anything. There are tools that can help you overcome challenges in getting there, but the only thing that can truly make you stop something is yourself. And then by surrounding yourself with people and things that support that type of healthy vs. unhealthy behavior. I do think it is difficult for each and every person.

For example, I am not a personal fan of AA. I went to the meetings, but hated standing up every meeting and saying ‘I am an alcoholic’. I kind of felt right off the bat I was creating some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

And the fact that I was powerless over my disease. I didn’t agree with that, either, because I had the power to check myself in to rehab, go to AA meetings, look at myself in the mirror (faults and all), take medications to help cure the addiction, or live in a place where alcohol did not exist. So I had the power, I just chose not to use it at the time, again my choice and an indication just how sick and tired I was of being sick and tired.

I’ve read the actual rate of remission of people who are in AA is about equal to those that spontaneously quit alcohol. I’m not sure what is true – statistics can be misleading and it is difficult to determine cause and effect. I applaud those that use AA because it works for them, and for those that find it doesn’t, I encourage you to keep searching until you find out what does because what I do know is true, is that when you find your solution you will be able to stop.

The things that I have found repeatedly that help me get over my addictions include:

Taking the personal responsibility for my addiction to the behavior, and the unhealthy consequence it is having on my life.
substituting that negative behavior with positive ones, including; yoga, exercise, meditation, working, writing, animals, creativity, connecting with people, prayer, doing good things for others, going to church, apologizing, naps, and total self-acceptance.
Medication that helps me remain stable and present enough to engage in those positive behaviors.
Reconciling my past with the present – fully integrating emotional triggers from childhood into present day experiences – and understanding why I am triggered and how I can regulate those emotions in a positive way as opposed to wanting to escape them.
Holding myself accountable for my behaviors, and being totally honest with MYSELF first about how / why I do them. Honesty with others comes through time, trust, and their reaction to my honesty.
Surrounding myself with people who support those behaviors. And for those that don’t, communicate the need I have for them to support the behaviors, and if they refuse, set boundaries with them to protect myself for remaining true to my behaviors.
Being ok about being in relationships with others that do not practice those same behaviors; I find totally accepting others for who they are / where they are also helps me accept myself and become a stronger person.
Having core people in my life that truly want what is best for ME, not in any way, shape, or form adding me to their life so they can feel better about themselves.
Trying to keep to the rule – “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. It often means I am boring and don’t talk at all. And I feel boring and lots of people think I am boring. I’m learning how to be OK with that boringness and find and give love where I am able to do so.

Fear ultimately drives us to addictions, and so much of our fear is irrational fear. Coming to terms with that fear, and finding ways to replace it with unconditional love for both ourselves and others, is the thing that will ultimately free us all from addiction.

What scares you? How do you feel loved? What makes you feel temporarily good vs. intrinsically good?

How to fight fair

ifredorg — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 17:45:00 +0000

Check out the latest blog on PsychCentral.

Posted via email from iFred

Depressions Ultimate Cost; When Will We Get It?

ifredorg — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 17:41:25 +0000

I’ve heard different statistics about what depression costs the economy, primarily from an economic standpoint and all guesses. Business analysts say untreated depression is the largest healthcare expense of corporations. The World Health Organization says it is the leading cause of disability worldwide. But are we even beginning to capture the cost?

I want to outline how I see it affecting people, and I encourage anyone to throw out numbers and I guarantee you that if we put prevention programs in place we would make billions of dollars AND have a much healthier nation. I have no doubt in my mind, yet day after day we continue down the same road. We need a revolution.

The way I see it, untreated depression and mental health care:

Drives up crime. At least 2/3 or people in jails have depression and other mental health issues. And my guess is it is 100% – if you are killing or raping or stealing, you have issues with your self-worth and impulse control. Period. How much does it cost to house a prisoner?
Increases drug and alcohol abuse. If you can’t control your emotions with learned skills, you will do it how you see others doing it; drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and sugar. What do we spend on drug and alcohol rehab? Family programs?
Increases obesity. Many people eat to deal with their feelings. It is what we are taught as children and we get rewarded and punished with food. We put good things in our mouths so we have momentary escape from the bad things in the world. What are the costs of obesity?
Increases illness. Depression is so often misdiagnosed, and often we ourselves don’t want to say ‘we are depressed’. Depression hinders our immune system, making us more susceptible to other illnesses and diseases. What is our healthcare system paying for misdiagnosis?
Increases hospital costs. In the U.S., 30,000 people a year commit suicide, and 10X that attempt suicide. Guess where they go? To emergency rooms. The cost of that emergency room visit?
Increases addictive tendencies. Overspending, overeating, gambling, sex addictions, texting while driving addictions, etc. etc. The cost to treating all of this is, immeasurable, not to mention the emotional devestation from lost lives.

I really could go on and on and on. Working in the field, I can’t tell you how many people have come to me saying ‘I want and need help, but have nowhere to go’. Hospitals won’t treat me, Medicaid doesn’t cover it, and hospitals kick me out after 72 hours. My brain isn’t working what can I do?

Do you know the helplessness these people feel? Their brain already isn’t working, they already feel bad, and now we tell them you are not important enough to help? How does that then trickle into society?

It just does not make sense to me. If I am feeling like I want to kill someone, what do I do? I hide in shame because I am not allowed to feel that way. Imagine if instead it was encouraged that I go in and talk to someone, and work through my anger. I could walk into any emergency room or hospital and could get an hour of therapy, free. Instead, we just give these people a place to live after the fact, further shaming them and adding to the cycle.

Our brain is our most precious resource, yet we continue to ignore the fact that it isn’t perfect and can become sick, just like any other part of our body. Further, we put laws and rules in place that discourage people who have a sick brain from getting help. We ignore the problem, and spend all of our money cleaning up the mess it leaves.

How can this change?

BBC Wins Award for Mental Health Coverage

ifredorg — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 03:04:00 +0000

So proud of them!!! http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/news/2009/09/090902_mental_health_wt_sl.shtml

Posted via email from iFred