I can’t breathe today. Fear is choking me. I didn’t even know it was fear, that is until I sat and faced it.
I let it experience me, so that I could experience it. I sat as the fear pulsated through my veins, crept to the tips of my fingers, exploded in my stomach and inched along my throat. I felt it caress my thighs and tease my shoulders, tricking each and every part of me along the way into tensing. It worked its way to the back of my neck, massaging it into compliance of rigidity.
Before I knew it I was overcome. Instead of using my precious energy to fight it, I let it think it won. Sitting back I let fear play its game in my body. It tensed my muscles and started to even control the blood flow, moving it faster and slower at its whim. I felt it create tears and experienced the very resistance of its being that it created in my soul.I laid there like a lifeless doll, intent only on feeling how fear invaded me. Looking back to time and places that created this fear. Finding the seeds of fear that were planted in my life, studying them like an entomologist would a mosquito, magnifying each and every detail with interest and love. Devouring the information and giving the sensations chances to explore my being freely and without abandon.
I sat there for what seemed like forever. Time a distant memory, a measurement created not to nurture but to control. I let my body be its own clock, addressing its own needs of truly being in the moment with each and every sensation that it may bring.
And then slowly, so very slowly, my muscles to grew tired of the fight. It took so much energy to play the game of control. They began to relax. I coaxed one breath. And then another. Timidly and gently, bringing wholeness and purity into my body. I then saw a cloud of fear floating above me, moving and changing and escaping to a place where it felt welcome. A place it was in control. It understood that today it could not win the battle with me.
I gently explained to my shoulders, my toes, my stomach; it is ok, you can come out now. The beast is gone. I felt the release of tension, inch by inch. Wondering at the amazement of how fear had transformed my body, yet how the power was within me to transform it back. I simply needed to stop running, stop fighting. That if I simply sat with it, welcoming it with open arms, it would enter me completely and grow tired of the love.
Fear grows bored without a fight. If you experience it fully, and let it take you over, it will eventually move away.I absorbed every inch of the relief and calm. I felt myself being massaged with peace, the gentle stroke of relaxation touching every piece of my soul and self. I let my mind be free, lighter and lighter with each breath as it chased out the shadows of fear and darkness.
I feel sane, I feel safe. I feel ready to slide into the day without resistance, melting instead into the pure light and joy that awaits me. I’m thankful for this time to reflect, refine, and reincarnate. To see love win over fear, yet again.
Blessings to all of you.